You made me cry and you don't even care
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
