i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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