We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
