my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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