id be glad to
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My vagina is officially offended.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
