Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
