I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize