he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I supernannyed him into submission
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize