His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
