I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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