Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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