Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
