Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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