I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
