he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
