Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
