Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
