Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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