nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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