Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
