he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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