Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
