so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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