i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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