Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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