Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
