I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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