Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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