Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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