if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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