Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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