i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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