Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
