i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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