Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
