I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Boobs are out for the taking
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
