i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
