after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
