i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i think i have herpe
just one?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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