The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
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Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
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I can feel your judgement through the phone
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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