hell yes lets make some ravioli
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
