Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
