So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
