What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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