I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
