The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
