My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
