Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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