..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
