I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
