The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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