She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
