I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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