I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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