The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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