So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
