I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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