you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
