My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
