I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
