Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
