It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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