sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
