I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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