I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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