I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
