I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
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Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
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Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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