He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
