I could have mohawked her pubes.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
