Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
